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"We're at that age......."

 ......where shit happens. He's not wrong,  However, when the hits come in the traditional "threes" it can be a bit much.  Funny about the threes. It seems to be a real thing. It was Bonnie who suggested I get it out on paper. it does help. A few weeks ago, I was sitting next to my neighbor-friend's Mom drinking and busting chops.  At 72, she is gone.  My first friend, also a neighbor, who I literally have known since birth, gone at 62. And while he and I had not been connected in decades, his sister is one of my besties  Her loss is my loss.  As an empath, I feel that shit. Deep. And now Cindy. Cindy and I met while I was running in Milwaukee what seems like 100 years ago.  We struck up an immediate and deep friendship.  I tried to encourage, motivate and keep her moving, but she struggled. I saw her last summer when I was home for USAT Nationals. Was it last year?   It started with cervical cancer, which is not necessarily a death...
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The Summer of my Discontent

The Today Show is on for background noise. There a segment about one of the cast recently diagnosed with breast cancer. And it hits me like a gut punch. I can't breathe. (Although that could be the Canadian smoke......) The wave of grief feels like a tsunami. This too shall pass, but WTAF? Twenty Five Years. July 1998 was the last month of whatever my previous life was.  Tumor found. No big deal, seems benign.  Tumor is removed, in fact it is benign. And it was all ok. Until it wasn't. Let the shit show begin. Twenty five fucking years.  
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Star Date 01042023. Year 25.

Year 25. For reelz? I have no idea what I was doing on this date in January of 1998.  I DO know, I was completely clueless about the turmoil inside me and impending war.  It's going to be a good year.  I almost said "interesting" and well that, too. But, I am committed to good. Twenty Five years is to be celebrated and reveled in. So, this is my plan. Today, I need to pay homage.  One of the Grace Project Warriors passed away from breast cancer over Christmas. " The Grace Project is an empowering photographic project by fine art   photographer Charise Isis that captures the courage beauty and grace of those who have had mastectomy surgery as a result of breast cancer."  It's an amazing collection of photos of beautiful women and men who have bared their bodies....and souls to help educate, reduce fear and take back their power. The woman who died, Eileen Fischer wrote this poem as part of her photographic piece. It speaks nay SCREAMS, to me. Had I to do it ...
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The Challenges of Surviving

Well, folks here we are again. October.  First person says "Pinktober" gets throat punched (that's for you, RK).  It's been a while.  A long while.  I've been living, working, training, racing, all those normal (haha, "normal") things people do.  And I guess everyone has their own stuff, their own version of "normal."  It's almost a hypothetical concept. I have a lot of new friends since I last wrote on the subject.  People who have known me for these past 24 years and those in my inner most circle know that breast cancer tried to take me out. I won that battle obviously, however it left some pretty significant collateral damage.  Very few of my friends have been subjected to that shit show. October 23, 1998.  My personal D-Day. D as is Devastation, Demolition, Desolation, Don't Die, and Dauntless Determination.  October for me is like Taper.  I am prone to bouts of anger, sadness, melancholy, survivor guilt, et al.  In 24...
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A Poem I Wrote in HS, circa 1980..........

Happiness is not in what you see, Bur in what you perceive. I can see what others with sight Cannot. I can hear what those with hearing Cannot. I can feel with more depth and Understanding than people With all of their senses. My pleasure is derived from Just being alive. People pitied me. They thought that I was afraid, Unteachable, unreachable. I could not tell them that I Did not need or want their pity. All I needed was understanding And patience. I was not afraid. I have the courage to want to Learn and grow. I accepted the challenge of my situation with grace and dignity. Those who pitied me where more Pitiful than I. I was content in my peaceful world. I had no use for confusion or Noise. My life was not simple. I had to work hard and constantly To maintain it. This made my life all the more Precious to me. I took nothing for granted. There was no bitterness or anger Or self-pity. There was no time. My life...
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MUSSELMAN Weekend!!!

Well, THIS weekend was certainly blog worthy! Where to start?  I've already covered the high drama with Sue getting here on the train.  ~sigh~ We had a great drive, several laughs and a little adventure on the trip to Geneva, as I wanted to take the "scenic route" from Binghampton to Geneva, through Ithaca, along Cayuga and over to Seneca.  North east PA and the southern tier of NY state are just incredibly beautiful. After my little reservation snafu, we got to the William Smith Inn which turned out to be one of those oh-so-happy accidents!  Wow!  The B&B is beautiful, Theresa, the owner is just lovely; she was there to greet us, gave us a tour and some of the history.  Very interesting.  Friday was all about getting settled, packet pick-up, the usual pre-race stuff.  And then we met Jules!!  Highlight of the weekend and my new bud!  Jules and her hubby Derek are from Quebec and they come each year to do this race.  Such ...
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It's Always There, I Guess.......

Been a long time since I have written in this blog........... One of the greatest challenges of being a survivor is that nagging feeling we carry with us waiting for another shoe to drop.  Especially with my family history.  We've learned never to say, "What's next?" lest we find out!  We grow to accept this feeling over time and really don't spend our days agonizing over what could happen, but then some small, seemingly harmless bump or mark or ache raises a red flag. I went to have my teeth cleaned at lunch today.  No big deal, right?  Unless, of course you are over 50 and your gums are receding and heaven knows what all, still........it's a teeth cleaning.  Then the dentist comes in to check and with a very concerned face points out a "freckle" on the inside of your bottom lip.  Now, I don't know about you, but I don't typically sit in the sun with my mouth open, nor do I bike or run this way as, well I've eaten enough bugs, thank ...
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