Christmas 2010

Dec 25, 2010

Christmas. 
I am on a plane from DFW to MKE.  It’s late and I’m tired.
 I’ve been in Santa Fe with Mom and Dad for a week.  I skied once, went riding with the wonderful folks at Broken Saddle once and generally had a lovely visit with my family.  My mom is 81 and suffers from lung cancer.  I find myself wondering if this will be the last time I see her.   I’m not really ok with that, although I recognize it is a distinct possibility.  There were lots of discussions around this issue, the whats and whens and hows.    I wish I were closer and I wish I could be there more often.  But, we all make choices.  Even our parents.  
I met a woman while riding, who is a survivor, 5 yrs.  She wrote a book “Are Ya Kidding Me?”   I’m anxious to read it.  She was wonderfully open and warm and beautiful.  It was a pleasant, albeit unexpected, experience. 
Skiing and horseback riding are two activities that truly remind me what it means to be alive.   With both, I am one with something much greater than myself;   the earth, snow, the sky and sun.  I am moving, usually at a “pretty good clip” (as my Dad would say).  It is exhilarating, breathtaking and sometimes a little scary.  It’s a wonderful high.  I only wish I got that high when I run……
I am somewhat estranged from my eldest sister.   I’m not sure we got past anything this visit, but it seemed ok.  I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it was ok.  She’s taking care of business there.  For that I am grateful.  I guess that’s all I can say on that subject.   
Except this:   I think when I lost one sister, I lost the other. 
When we land in Milwaukee, it will de Dec, 26 and Christmas will be done.  It was nice, really.  I thought 6 days was too long.  In fact, it was not long enough. 
I have much to look forward to in the first part of the New Year.    Hopes and dreams and ambitions; the lifeblood of………well, life.

“………and I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”

 

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